Game of Thrones, Season 5 – High Sparrow

King Tommen becomes a man
King Tommen becomes a man

In the latest episode of Game of Thrones, King Tommen becomes a man, Queen Margaery makes a move, Sansa’s luck takes a nosedive and Lord Commander Snow shows his brothers who runs Castle Black. Let’s get to it. Another wedding in King’s Landing! King Tommen and “third time’s a charm” Margaery Tyrell haven’t even said their vows yet and already former Queen Cersei is being pushed to the side. The residents of King’s Landing have Margaery’s name on their lips and in their hearts and, after her uncle Kevan’s outburst last week, Cersei’s power is slipping. And that’s exactly how the new Queen likes it. After turning her new husband into a man, Margaery drops hints about sending Mom back to Casterly Rock. The next day, Cersei tries the same tactic with her son, throwing shade and basically calling his new wife a pretty idiot. King Tommen, however, likes sleeping with that pretty idiot and asks Cersei about returning to Casterly Rock. Since we all know Cersei ain’t no fool, she goes straight to the source of her son’s inquiries.

Queen Margaery is all smiles
Queen Margaery is all smiles

But the Queen is ready for Mommy Dearest and burns her at every turn, even asking if she should call Cersei “Queen Mother” or “Dowager Queen.” Ouch! By the time she leaves, Cersei is beyond pissed. On the road, Lord Baelish and Sansa arrive at Moat Cailin. Ms. Stark is as surprised as the rest of us, especially when she realizes that Littlefinger has offered her as a bride for Ramsay Bolton! Can’t that poor girl catch a break? I mean, ever? Sansa is beyond upset and rightfully so. The Bolton’s betrayed her family and Roose killed her brother Robb. Plus, Ramsay is a sick, sick bastard and the thought of Sansa marrying that animal makes me nauseous. But somehow, Littlefinger convinces her to agree to the marriage, since getting close to the Boltons would be a good way to slit their throats and avenge the Starks.

Sansa and Littlefinger ride again
Sansa and Littlefinger ride again

Thankfully, Brienne and Podrick are still following Sansa. As they make camp and think about their next move, the two share stories of how they came to be in the service of Tyrion and Renly, respectively. Podrick’s story of how he became Halfman’s squire was interesting, but not as much as Brienne’s tale. She spoke of a ball her father threw in her honor in hopes of finding his daughter a suitable husband. The young lady was having a grand time, until she realized that the boys at the party were playing a cruel trick on her. Brienne felt like she was the ugliest girl in the world, until Renly Baratheon told her to forget those “little shits” and danced with her. From then on, she held Renly in her heart, not as a potential lover, but as someone who saved her. Not being able to save him is why she’s so hell bent on killing Stannis. At Castle Black, Lord Commander Snow is already having problems. Stannis wants an answer to his proposal, to which Jon respectfully declines. As always, Stannis is not happy and thinks he’s a damn fool. Ser Davos, being more diplomatic in these situations, reasons with Jon using the Night’s Watch oath to convince him. The Onion Knight also warns that until the Bolton’s are out of the North, it will never be safe. Later on, the Lord Commander meets with his brothers so he can start handing out new assignments. He begins with Alliser Thorne, who assumes he’ll be getting a crappy job due to their history. Jon surprises everyone by making Thorne First Ranger, which is a smart move. He then assigns Janos Slynt to Greyguard, a ruin that is in desperate need of repair. Janos takes this assignment as an insult and calls Jon out, refusing to obey. Wrong move! The Lord Commander orders Janos be taken outside for execution as the fool stupidly runs his mouth. That is, until he sees Jon unsheathe his sword. Slynt turns into a blubbering idiot, begging for mercy. But Jon takes his head anyway. Passing down a sentence and carrying it out isn’t easy, but something that must be done if Jon is to lead his brothers.

Arya becomes no one
Arya becomes no one

In Braavos, Our Rebel Arya is not happy about her situation so far. She’s been at the House of Black and White for a few days and all she’s done is sweep floors and be ignored by everyone. She thinks she’s ready to learn how to be a faceless man, but Jaqen knows better. He tells her that all men must serve but she seems to only want to serve herself. Arya must meet the Many Faced God if she is to learn. Later on, a young woman comes to her room and asks Arya who she is. When she doesn’t give her the answer she wants, the woman slaps Arya in the face. She asks again, same answer, another slap. When the girl asks again, Our Rebel says, “you’re about to find out.” Arya gets ready to stick her with the pointy end before Jaqen arrives (one of those gods was definitely watching over that chick). Apparently, the woman was playing something called the Game of Faces. Jaqen says that Arya is not ready but she protests. He notices Needle and asks, “How is it that No One came to be surrounded by Arya Stark’s things?” Arya must be rid of all things Stark and tosses her stuff into the water. But she can’t get rid of everything and decides to hide her sword in the rocks. Can she become a faceless man and still hold on to a small part of herself? Back in King’s Landing, Littlefinger’s brothel is raided by the Sparrows, the religious fanatics who come for the High Septon. They punish him by taking him through the streets, naked as a jaybird and smacking his rear end. He doesn’t take too kindly to this treatment and demands the Small Council do something about it. Cersei, trying to hold on to what power she has, visits the High Sparrow (Jonathan Pryce) and subtly tempts him with the job of High Septon. Will he take the offer?

Varys and Tyrion take a break
Varys and Tyrion take a break

And in Volantis, Tyrion is going stir crazy and wants out of the coach. He doesn’t care that Cersei has a price on his head, he needs to get out. He and Varys end up on the Long Bridge, where they’re among slaves, brothels and another version of Melisandre. Tyrion feels right at home. He meets a prostitute who is being pretty much ignored, thanks to the Daenerys look alike, and begins talking to her. The man has game, I’ll give him that. But before he can seal the deal, Halfman’s emotions get the better of him and he decides to drink instead. When he takes a moment to relieve himself, he’s grabbed by Jorah Mormont, who just happened to be in the same brothel. If there’s any way for him to get back into Dany’s good graces, it would be gifting her with a Lannister. What will this mean for Halfman? Will Dany bring Jorah back into the fold after receiving his gift? Stay tuned. Game of Thrones airs on Sunday at 9 p.m. on HBO.

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