In the season finale of Game of Thrones, the Many-Faced God collects his due. There are major spoilers, so be warned.
In the North, Melisandre is patting herself on the back. The snows have melted and the trek to Winterfell will be much easier for Stannis and his army. She visits Stannis in his tent, assuring him that the Lord of Light has found favor with him after sacrificing sweet Princess Shireen. Melisandre tries to get close to him, but Stannis is not even remotely interested. His daughter is dead and he will not forget that. Neither does the Lord of Light. What’s that old saying? Bad news always comes in threes? Well that must be a saying in Westeros as well, because that’s exactly what happens to Stannis. First, half the men have deserted and taken all of the horses. Second, Queen Selyse has hung herself. Third, Melisandre leaves camp because no one believes her hocus pocus now. But Stannis, who has lost pretty much everything, marches for Winterfell anyway. I mean, what else can he do?
At Castle Black, Jon and Sam are discussing the events at Hardhome. Jon describes the legion of wights that were resurrected by the Night’s King (“Come at me, bro!”), who will be coming for everyone soon enough. Sam asks about the dragon glass, but Jon says it won’t help, nor his Valyrian steel blade, as they don’t have enough to the fight the Army of the Dead. Knowing this, Sam asks if he can be sent to the Citadel with Gilly and Little Sam in tow. Jon wants him to stay, but his friend knows he will be more useful to the Night’s Watch as a Maester. Now that Aemon Targaryen is dead, the Night’s Watch will need a new Maester and who better than Samwell Tarly? Jon agrees to let them all go, leaving the Lord Commander with brothers who hate his guts.
Stannis and his army arrive outside of Winterfell with no trouble. The fact that he still has an army is a miracle. He orders his men to look for food and take rest, as the siege will take place the next day. Umm, maybe not. The Bolton’s army arrives and Stannis is outnumbered. But like a true King, he draws his sword and the fight begins.
At Winterfell, Sansa uses the corkscrew she found previously to unlock the door to her chamber. She is able to sneak away unnoticed and goes to the tower to light the Help Me candle so she can get the hell out of dodge. Across the way, Brienne is looking at the tower waiting for a signal, but Pod interrupts and informs her of Stannis’ arrival. Brienne lets her hate for Stannis move her and she and Pod leave, missing the candle that Sansa lights for help. Meanwhile, Sansa is watching the fight between the armies and realizes she will not be saved. She tries to go back to her chamber but is found by Myranda and Theon/Reek. Ramsay’s crazy girlfriend is all too eager to put an arrow in the wife, but Theon/Reek grabs her and throws her ass over the railing and she lands with a hard splat. The army returns and Sansa and Theon run for it, because dammit it’s time to get gone. Both would rather die than stay any longer. The pair jump from the top of Winterfell into the snow. Whether they survive or not is something we’ll have to wait almost a year to find out.
Brienne finds an injured and very defeated Stannis leaning against a tree, his men all dead. She introduces herself and tells him of her promise to kill him for the murder of his brother Renly. Stannis admits that he did kill his brother and tells Brienne to “get on with it, then.” Brienne does her duty and gives Stannis a good slice. But since we didn’t see her do it, is he really dead?
In Braavos, Meryn Trant is bringing pain to three young girls. He hits each with a wooden rod, getting off on hearing them scream. When he gets to the third one, he hears nothing. He hits her again and still nothing. He tells the other girls to get out and they run like hell. Trant punches the third girl in the gut and she falls to her knees, coughing. She does something to her face and next thing you know it’s Arya Stark! She sticks Trant with the pointy end of a dagger in one eye and they both fall. Arya stabs his other eye and then shoves a piece of cloth in his mouth so she can muffle his screams. She stabs him some more and then gets up to deliver her speech. Arya asks if he knows who she is and since he’s nothing but a bloody mess, he can’t answer her. She sticks him in the gut and asks again. Then she says, “I’m Arya Stark” before sticking him in the back. She asks who Trant is and says, “You’re no one. You’re nothing.” Then she cuts his throat like a boss.
At the House of Black and White, Arya returns the face she “borrowed” to kill Trant. Jaqen and the ever-present waif (Faye Marsay) catch her in the act and Our Rebel pays the price. She owes the Many-Faced God a death and he’s come to collect. The waif grabs her and Jaqen takes out a vial of the death water. Arya panics when Jaqen says “Only death can pay for life.” But Jaqen drinks the death water himself! He falls to the ground and Arya freaks out, crying for causing the death of her friend. Who happens to be standing right behind her! WHAT?? Arya clearly has no clue about the mysteries of the House of B&W. She looks at the corpse on the floor and removes Jaqen’s face. Then she removes another face, and another and another, until she reveals her own. When she does, her eyesight begins to fade and Arya goes blind.
In Dorne, Mycella, Tristane, Jaime and Bronn get ready to set sail and they bid Prince Doran and the Sand Snakes farewell. Ellaria apologizes to Myrcella and gives her a kiss on the lips. Bronn reluctantly says goodbye to Tyene and they head out. Inside the cabin, Jaime tries to tell Myrcella about his relationship with Cersei, but the young Princess already knows and says she’s glad he’s her father. Being in Dorne either seriously opened her eyes to the world or Myrcella just wants to keep the peace so she can marry Tristane. But we’ll never know will we, since her nose starts bleeding and she falls down. Ellaria and the Sand Snakes have poisoned the young Princess! At the dock, the ladies watch the ship sail and Ellaria’s nose starts to bleed. Tyene gives her a hanky to wipe and Ellaria takes the antidote hidden under her necklace. The Sand Snakes have exacted the revenge they so craved for the loss of Prince Oberyn. They are some bad ass chicks.
In Meereen, Tyrion, Jorah and Daario are sitting in the Throne Room waiting around for Dany to return. She’s been gone for days and no one has seen her or Drogon. Daario and Jorah want to look for her and leave Tyrion in Meereen, but he objects. The men believe he would be the best choice to govern since he’s actually done it in King’s Landing. Tyrion reluctantly agrees to stay, with Missandei and Grey Worm beside him. As Tyrion looks around at the place he must now rule in Dany’s stead, his old friend Varys appears, putting Halfman’s mind at ease. Varys is one who knows politics and will be a great ally in Meereen.
In No Man’s Land, Dany is trying to get Drogon to take her home but he’s like “Sorry Mom, I just ate.” She gets pissed and looks for food on her own. While she’s away, she hears the sound of horses and a Dothraki appears. Then another and another, until an entire Khalasar approaches. She knows she will most likely be captured so Dany removes her ring in case any of her people come looking for her. The Dothraki surround her and Dany has nowhere to go.
Back in King’s Landing, Cersei finally agrees to confess to the High Sparrow if only to keep Septa Unella from coming in her cell and repeating “confess” over and over again. She tells him that she did fornicate with her cousin Lancel but did not confess to her love affair with Jaime. She begs to see King Tommen and the High Sparrow says that once the trial is over she may end up seeing the King again. But Cersei wants out of that hell hole and begs to be released. The High Sparrow agrees to release her once she’s completed her atonement. She’s like, “whatchu talkin’ bout Willis?” because no one said anything about an atonement. Turns out our golden-haired bad girl has to walk naked through the streets of King’s Landing for all to see with a jacked up haircut to boot. The walk of shame begins at the Sept of Baelor and everyone in King’s Landing is there to see it.
Cersei’s robe is removed and she begins her walk, with Septa Unella walking behind her repeating the word “shame” and ringing a bell. All seems okay at first, and then the crowd starts calling Cersei “whore,” “bitch,” and other fun words people like to heap on women. The normally stoic and powerful Cersei starts to break down with each step, as she’s spit on, has food and feces thrown at her and walks through the streets with bloody feet. The people get nastier, louder and more violent, causing the Faith Militant to put the hammer down on some of them. By the time she gets to the Red Keep, Cersei is a blubbering mess. When she enters the gates, Kevan Lannister and Grand Maester Pycelle are looking at her with disgust and not much sympathy. Surprisingly, disgraced Maester Qyburn rushes to cover her with a blanket and tells her how happy he is to have her back. He then reveals his gift, which is a resurrected Gregor Clegane aka The Mountain, who has vowed not to speak until all of Cersei’s enemies have been vanquished. Watch out Septa Unella, Cersei is coming for your ass!
Back at Castle Black, Ser Devos is pleading with Jon to send men and supplies to aid Stannis in his quest for Winterfell. Jon says forget it, he hasn’t the men or food to spare. Just then, Lady Melisandre arrives alone and the look on her face is enough to tell them that Stannis’ quest has failed. Devos asks about Shireen but she just looks at him and walks away. Here’s hoping Devos puts a blade in her belly for what she’s done.
Later, Jon is in his office reading notes and basically despairing. Olly comes in claiming that a Wildling has said that Jon’s Uncle Benjen is alive. Jon follows the boy outside, who leads him to a post that reads “traitor.” Jon turns around and First Ranger Thorne stabs him in the stomach, saying “for the Watch,” before withdrawing his dagger. Several more brothers do the same, all repeating “for the Watch” each time. Jon falls to his knees and then Olly comes forward. The kid is clearly conflicted, but he gives Jon the final blow, thereby replacing King Joffrey as the most hated boy in Westeros. Jon falls backwards in the snow as his blood flows around him. As his life leaves him, Jon’s eyes change color, but thankfully, not to White Walker blue. Lord Commander Jon Snow’s watch has ended. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Stay tuned. Oh, and if George R.R. Martin ever reads this, now would be a good time to release the next book in the series. Please?
Thanks for reading and see you next year!
Game of Thrones will return in 2016 on HBO.