In the latest episode of Game of Thrones, Hodor speaks, Ramsay takes control and the Red Woman comes through in a big way.
As always, if you haven’t watched the episode, don’t read this. Spoilers follow. You’ve been warned.
So a lot of horrible stuff went down in the Seven Kingdoms, but nothing was as bad as what Ramsay did to his stepmother, Walda. She gave birth to a son, which is what Roose was hoping for. But that dummy kept taunting his son with that possibility and he should have known better. Ramsay is CRAZY but he isn’t stupid. And his mind was working the entire time and he will get what he wants, any way he can. Which included killing his father (what’s a bit of patricide to pass the time), as well as his stepmother and newly-born brother. I’m not going to say how he did it because it was just too despicable. But anyone upset about his deed has never read the books. Ramsay is even worse in the books, so be glad you get the HBO version of him. I’m just thankful Sansa got away from him.
Speaking of Sansa, the Lady Stark learned from Brienne that her sister Arya was still alive the last time she saw her with the Hound. Although those two fought constantly, I’m sure they would be very happy to see each other again. Theon, who has already done more than anyone could have imagined, told Sansa that he was not staying with her now that Brienne and Podrick are with her. He knows they will keep her safe and he is going home. Does he mean back to the Iron Islands or to Winterfell and his master, Ramsay? I pray he goes back to his real family, but Ramsay did a number on him so I’m not hopeful.
In Meereen, Tyrion is trying to get some answers as to what is going on since Dany disappeared. Most of the news is bad, but Halfman comes up with a crazy plan to try and unleash the dragons still in captivity. When he gets to the catacombs, Lord Varys looks at his friend like he’s lost his mind and Tyrion doesn’t look too confident, either. But he makes his way down the steps and the very large dragons (with mouths full of sharp teeth) come out of hiding. But they don’t attack, thank the Mother. I was holding my breath the entire time because I just knew the dragons were going to eat him. And don’t say nothing would have happened because Tyrion is a major character. GOT doesn’t give a shit about keeping major characters alive (look what happened to Ned, Robb, etc.). But he was able to unhook the dragons’ chains and make it out of there alive. When he reached Lord Varys, Tyrion said, “Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face.” Will do, Halfman!
Bran, who has grown tall as hell seemingly overnight, was warging with the Three-Eyed Raven (played by Max van Sydow) and was back at Winterfell. He was watching a very young Ned and Benjen Stark practicing their swordplay. Their sister Lyanna, who died before Bran was born, arrives on horseback. She’s a fiery lass, who seemed pretty close to her brothers. Ned tries to get Benjen to spar with the stable boy, who low and behold is our favorite giant, Hodor. Only his name was Willas and he spoke in complete sentences. What the deuce? What happened to young Willas to make him go all Hodor? That’s a story I would love to hear. Anywho, the three‑eyed raven brings Bran back to reality, which pisses the young Stark off. When he comes to, one of the Children is watching him. Bran asks Hodor why he stopped talking, but all he got was “Hodor.” That could have gone on all night, so Bran asks about Meera. She’s outside in the freezing cold, doing absolutely nothing. Bran tries to tell her about his vision, but she’s like, “Really dude? I don’t care!” Since he’s not gonna get anywhere with her, he has Hodor take him back inside. One of the Children (the same one that was watching Bran) tells Meera that Bran will need her when he finally leaves that place. Will Meera stay and help Bran?
In King’s Landing, a drunk guy is in a tavern spinning a tale of how he gave Cersei a good look at his goods. No one believes it, but ever since her walk of shame, no one really fears her much anymore. Well they damn sure should, because the Beast formerly known as The Mountain is doling out his own brand of justice to anyone who does harm to her. Or disparages her, which was apparent when the same guy who mouthed off got his head pulverized with one smash of the Mountain’s hand. I mean, the guy’s head looked like it had been bashed with a sledgehammer. Cersei is not playing anymore. Her enemies will be eradicated no matter what.
When The Mountain returns, Cersei sees the blood on his armor and doesn’t even flinch. His duty was done for the day and that’s all that mattered. They leave her salon to attend Myrcella’s funeral. But they are stopped by the King’s Guard, who tell her that King Tommen has commanded that she stay inside for her protection. She doesn’t like it and thinks about letting the Mountain loose, but Cersei lets it go and returns to her rooms. The Mountain looks at all of the King’ss Guard before following his mistress and you can see the relief on the men’s faces. They knew they would have to fight and most likely die, if need be. Whatevs! I would be the Coward of King’s Landing cuz I ain’t fighting that spectre!
In the Sept of Balor, Myrcella is laid out and ready to be buried. Her brother and uncle/father are there with her. Tommen is unsure of what to do now that his mother has been humiliated, his wife imprisoned and sister dead. He feels helpless because he wants to rain punishments down on those who have hurt his family, but doesn’t know how. Jamie tells his son/nephew to see his mother. If anyone knows how to seek revenge on a grand scale, its Cersei Lannister. Just then, the High Sparrow decides to show his face. Jamie sends Tommen to Cersei and gets ready to thrust a knife in the High Sparrow’s chest. But, of course, he’s surrounded by his goons, the Faith Militant. The High Sparrow needs to be careful. The Lannisters didn’t become so powerful out of sheer luck. You’d better believe he and the Faith Militant are going to be destroyed sooner or later.
Back at Castle Black, time is up for Ser Davos and the band of Brothers watching over Lord Commander Snow. Ghost is with them and ready to chew up anyone who comes through that door. As Ser Alliser gives the order to smash the door down, Ser Davos grabs Jon’s sword and they all get ready for battle. Just as the Night’s Watch is almost through door, they all hear a great boom. Something is trying to get through the gates. Turns out it’s the Wildlings that Jon saved last season. They may be Wildlings, but they know when a debt is owed. They come through ready to take everyone down. The smart Brothers lay down their arms immediately, but one dummy shoots an arrow at the giant. Said giant grabs dude like a rag doll and smashes him against the stone wall and tosses him like trash. The rest of the Brothers drop their weapons and that’s the end of that. Tormund sees Jon dead and the disbelief is written all across his face. He looked at the number of cuts Jon had on his body, which were iced up. We all know what that means. Tormund says he’ll get a pyre ready to burn the bodies. No! Not yet!
Ser Davos goes to Melisandre’s room to persuade her to use her magic to bring Jon back (cuz that’s what ALL of us were thinking). At first she’s like, “Nah, sorry, can’t do it. My mojo was all off and now everyone’s dead and I’m still here with this thousand-year-old body no one knows about.” But Davos is like, “I’m not sure what your deal is, but I could care less right now. I saw you push a demon out of your body that killed a king, so I’m sure you can do something for Jon or else the fans are going to watch another show.” Melisandre pulls it together and agrees to try.
As Melisandre gets Jon ready for the ritual, we get to see that Jon Snow is fine even in death. Good grief that man has abs for days! I’m sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, so Melisandre wipes Jon down (I could have done that for her), cuts some of his hair (no!) and then puts her hands on him, reciting some words none of us will even try to understand. She’s unsure that it will work, which was frustrating as hell. Nothing was happening and he’s just lying there, dead. Even Ghost was just sleeping, not doing anything. No, Jon Snow is not dead, dammit! Try again, Melisandre. She tries a few more times, but nothing happens. One by one, everyone leaves, with Jon still dead. Once the door closes, Ghost wakes his ass up. He looks towards his master and then Jon fucking WAKES UP!!!! Thank the Mother, the Father, the Warrior, the Drowned God and the Force!!! Jon Snow, Lord Commander, is alive!! Now what?
Game of Thrones airs on Sunday at 9 p.m. on HBO.
Photos courtesy of HBO.