In the latest episode of Game of Thrones, Dany and Jon Snow finally meet, Cersei keeps winning and Lady Olenna goes out like an O.G.
GOT didn’t waste any time giving us the meeting we’ve all been waiting for. At the top of the show, Jon Snow arrived on Dragonstone, greeted by Tyrion, Missandei and some of the Unsullied and Dothraki. “The Bastard of Winterfell.” “The Dwarf of Casterly Rock.” Jon and Tyrion smile at each other and shake hands, recalling their last meeting at the Wall oh so long ago. After introductions all around, Missandei gets down to business. She welcomes Jon and his men before “asking” them to hand over their weapons. Jon, knowing he has no choice, agrees before handing his sword over to Qhono, one of the finest Dothraki men I’ve seen since Khal Drogo (whose real name is Staz Nair, by the way). Weapons collected, they all make their way to Dany. On the way, the dragons make an appearance (coincidentally right after Jon uttered the words, “I’m not a Stark”), with Drogon scaring the beejezus out of Jon and Davos. “I’d say you’ll get used to them. But you never really do.” Tyrion helps Jon up and they continue their walk to the castle.
High above on a hill, Melisandre watches as Jon makes his way to Dany. Varys appears, and wonders why she didn’t show her face to Jon. She reveals that things weren’t exactly cozy between her and the King in the North. She tells Varys that she will be leaving for Volantis. When Varys tells Melisandre to stay there, she tells the Spider that she will return one last time. “I have to die in this strange country. Just like you.” Then Melisandre gives the speechless Varys a look that said, “I know I fucked up, but I can still fuck you up.”
Inside the Audience Chamber, Dany is sitting on her badass throne as Missandei rattles off her Queen’s many, many titles. Davos, however, keeps it simple. “This is Jon Snow. He’s King in the North.” Dany doesn’t waste any time: bend the knee, Snow. Welp, Jon ain’t tryin’ to do all of that. He’s just there to convince Dany that the white walkers are coming and they need to fight together. White walkers? Night King? What is this foolishness? Dany thinks Jon is making it up and tells him that she has survived tons of men doing unspeakable things to keep her from gaining the throne. She’s survived assassins, rape, defilement and chains. She made it through it all and now she is in Westeros with an army and three dragons. “I was born to rule the Seven Kingdoms. And I will.” But Jon counters that sentiment: “You’ll be ruling over a graveyard if we don’t defeat the Night King.” Tyrion tries to convince Jon to bend the knee, but he refuses. Dany tells him then that since he claims to be King in the North of a kingdom that rightfully belongs to her, he is in open rebellion. Before things escalate any further, Varys comes running in (I don’t think I’ve ever seen him run). Dany excuses Jon and Davos, telling Qhono to watch them, in Dothraki, of course. Jon and the Onion Knight are escorted out of the Audience Chamber.
Varys tells Dany about the attack on Ellaria and Yara. She wonders aloud if all the Greyjoys and Sand Snakes were killed or captured. Cue the chicken shit we know as Theon Greyjoy a.k.a. Reek As Fuck. The remaining Iron Born who survived Euron’s attack pull him from the water. They ask about Yara, with Theon telling them he tried to save her. But they all know the truth: Theon is a broken, weak and cowardly man now. The looks of disgust on the men’s faces said it all.
Back in King’s Landing, Euron returns to a hero’s welcome, waiving to the crowd as he parades Ellaria, Tyene and Yara through the streets. Euron is having the time of his life and lets the adulation envelop him. In the Throne Room, Euron puts Ellaria and Tyene at Cersei’s feet. If the Queen could have killed them both then and there, she would have. Jaime is on the sidelines pissed off cuz Euron brought justice for Myrcella to the Queen. Cersei tells Euron that he deserves a reward and will give him his “heart’s desire” when the war is won. Only the Father knows what that means.
Later, Ellaria and Tyene are chained and gagged in one of the dungeons. I was afraid that Cersei would sic Ser Gregor on them but she did something even worse. Cersei had Qyburn concoct the poison used on Myrcella and kissed Tyene with it. What’s worse, Ellaria would have to watch her daughter die a slow, possibly painful death, never able to hold her child again. She would watch as her daughter dies, decomposes and becomes bone and ash. Cersei’s justice is swift and exceedingly painful.
After, the Queen, hot from meting out justice, goes to her chambers where her brother/lover is relaxing. He’s removed his golden hand but he tries to put it back on when she walks in. She stops him, kissing him deeply before grabbing his ass and kissing his oh so special place. If this were anyone else, it would be hot as hell but since they’re brother and sister it’s damn gross. In the morning, the twins are in bed, with Jaime watching his crazy sister sleep. A knock at the door wakes her, and she gets up to answer it. Jaime tells her to wait since they can’t be seen in bed together, but Cersei is the Queen and she’ll do what she likes. One of her servants is at the door and she sees a naked Jaime lying in bed. The girl smartly averts her eyes and delivers the message to the Queen without batting an eyelash. See no evil, and all that.
Dressed, Cersei greets a rep from the Iron Bank, who is there to get the bank’s money. The Lannisters may be powerful, but their asses are broke and they owe the Iron Bank a ton of money. They would have had the money from the Tyrells if Cersei hadn’t killed most of them. But she convinces the rep that House Lannister always pays its debts and the Iron Bank should invest in them during the war. The rep, impressed with her, agrees and holds off on taking all her shit to pay back the bank.
Back at Dragonstone, Tyrion and Jon are brooding. Well, Jon is brooding, that’s one of his strengths. Tyrion is trying to brood as well as Jon, but is losing that battle. Jon is a prisoner at Dragonstone and Tyrion didn’t see Euron’s attack coming. What now? Tyrion is good with words and uses them wisely. He convinces Jon to ask Dany for something that will be easily given. So, Tyrion, on behalf of Jon, goes to his Queen and asks for the dragon glass. She still doesn’t believe Jon about the Night King, but if they’re going to be allies somehow, they’ll need to compromise.
The two Targaryens meet up outside and seeing them face off while the dragons fly overhead gave me chills. Dany agrees to Jon’s dragon glass request but reminds him that she still wants him to bend the knee. He ain’t gonna do that and they come to a tense truce. I swear, the day these two-fight side by side (if that happens) will be spectacular. Here’s hoping GOT doesn’t fuck with our emotions before it can happen.
At Winterfell, Sansa is running shit like a boss, with Littlefinger running up behind her. She knows how to rule, but she’s still vulnerable to Lord Baelish. I’m praying she puts a sword to his neck before he can get inside her head. On cue, Lord Baelish starts with the whispers in her ear again but is interrupted. Someone is at the gate. It’s Bran and Meera, tired and world-weary. Sansa hugs her brother and at that moment, I got something in my eye. It wasn’t a tear or anything, but my eyes did water from whatever was bothering them.
At the family gods wood tree, Bran tries to explain what he is to his sister, which, not for nothing, is damned difficult. So, he tries another approach. Bran describes how she looked on the night she married Ramsay, and Sansa almost loses it. She tells Bran that she needs to go back inside. As she walks back, you could see the nightmares of her time with Ramsay coming back to haunt her.
At the Citadel, a seemingly cured Jorah is being examined. He doesn’t tell the Archmaester how it happened, just chalked it up to rest and the climate. But the Archmaester knows better. He tells Jorah he’s free to go and Sam he’ll talk to him later tonight. Sam asks Jorah where he’ll go and he tells him to be with his Khaleesi. Because of course. Later that night, the Archmaester asks Sam how the forbidden procedure was done and he answers simply: he read the book and followed the instructions. Sam isn’t immediately expelled from the Citadel but he is punished for what he’s done.
At Dragonstone, Dany is meeting with Tyrion about hitting Casterly Rock. She wants to attack Euron using one of her dragons but her people talk her out of it. Instead, Halfman reveals the secret that is within his home’s walls: there is a secret passage through the sewers that he had built himself. Grey Worm and his men effortlessly find their way inside and take Casterly Rock. But the taking was just too easy. That’s because it was a damn trap. Grey Worm looks out to the ocean and sees Euron’s fleet attacking the Unsullied’s ships. The rest of the Lannister army is at Highgarden, where they easily take Lady Olenna’s ancestral home.
Jaime goes to Lady Olenna directly, who is seated at a table alone. She knows the battle is over and that House Tyrell will end after this day. So, she goes out of this world her way. As Jaime pours two glasses of wine, she tells him what she really thinks of Cersei. She tells him that Cersei is a monster, capable of things she never could have imagined. Jaime doesn’t want to hear any of this and decides it’s time to end things. Lady Olenna asks him how her death will happen and he reveals a small vial of poison, which he empties in one of the glasses. She asks if there will be pain and he says no. She drinks up, and then fucks Jaime’s head up. Lady Olenna of House Tyrell tells him that she would have hated to die like his son, the Brat King Joffrey. How awful it must have been to see blood and bile come out of Joffrey’s mouth, his face turn purple. To die in agony while Jaime could do nothing but watch. She triggers him, but continues to fuck with him: she reveals that she was the one who killed Joffrey. You see, she had never seen the poison in action. The enormity of what she has revealed is not lost on Jaime, who is helpless to do anything about it. As the two stare at each other for the last time, Lady Olenna delivers the final blow: “Tell Cersei I want her to know it was me.” Jaime walks out of that chamber, leaving Lady Olenna, the Queen of Thorns of House Tyrell to die the way she lived: like a damn gangster.
Will Cersei continue her winning streak? Will Dany keep taking L after L? Will Sansa continue to run Winterfell like a badass? And will Bran tell Jon the truth of his lineage?
Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9pm on HBO. Photos courtesy of HBO.