Game of Thrones – Season 7 – The Spoils of War

In the latest episode of Game of Thrones:  Fire and Blood, bitches.

So, this is going to be one truly focused recap because DROGON!!  Forget the rest of the events in Westeros, the attack on the loot train was all I cared about.  Yes, Arya, Sansa and Bran reunited (anti-climactic), Arya sparred with Brienne (pretty badass), Theon almost got his ass gutted by Jon Snow (notice I said “almost”), Dany still tried to get Jon to bend the knee (he ain’t gonna do it, girl!), and Cersei held the Iron Bank at bay (whoops).  But, DROGON!!!  Here we go.

After getting his feelings hurt by Lady Olenna (RIP, O.G.), Jaime and his crew loaded up the gold and spoils of Highgarden and started marching back to King’s Landing.  Bronn, same ole cutthroat, started complaining to Jaime about not getting everything he asked for, like a castle for starters.  The two ran into Dickon Tarly (whose name gave Bronn the giggles) and they talked of the battle at Highgarden.  Poor Dickey was kind of messed up at how it all went down and wasn’t sure if that was something he wanted to do again.  As the men talked, Bronn stopped for a moment and said, “Listen.”  A sound like thunder.  Jaime and his men fell in line, waiting for whatever was coming.  Over the horizon, a wailing sound.  Then, nothing but horses.  Thousands of them.  The Dothraki were coming.

Bronn tried to convince Jaime to get back to King’s Landing, but he was not going to leave his men.  They prepared for the attack and waited.  Then they heard a sound like no other.  It was Drogon!  Jaime, Bronn and the rest of the men were petrified.  They were about to be attacked by a Dothraki hoard and a goddamn dragon.  A HUGE goddamn dragon.  A huge goddamn dragon being ridden by a white-haired WOMAN.  A huge goddamn dragon ridden by a white-haired woman who was none other than Daenerys Targaryen.  They were fucked.

Drogon flames on

Drogon started the carnage off by flaming a line through the Lannister army.  While they were burning, the Dothraki used that distraction to run down man after man.  It was complete chaos after that.  Drogon and Dany burned everything:  wagons, horses, people and the gold meant for the Iron Bank.  The Lannister army did its best, but the men were absolutely no match.  Bronn did make an effort, though.  Using the weapon designed by Qyburn, he unleashed a bolt on Drogon that actually pierced the dragon’s skin.  The dragon and his mother started falling to the ground, until Drogon said fuck this, gathered himself and burned that weapon to bits, with Bronn jumping for his life in the process.

When he landed, Drogon used his tail to destroy the weapon for good.  Dany got off of her baby and tried to pull the bolt from him.  Jaime thought this would be the best time to be a hero and charged towards her with a spear in his good hand.  High on a hill, Tyrion watched his brother be a “fucking idiot” and race towards Dany.  Jaime almost made it, and then Drogon stepped in front of his mother and blew hellfire at him.  Bronn pushed Jaime from his horse at the last second and the two men landed in the water.  Jaime sank to the bottom, either dead or unconscious and the FUCKING EPISODE ENDED!!  DAMN YOU, HBO!!

How will Cersei react to this defeat?  Will the Iron Bank withdraw its support of House Lannister?  Will Jon bend the knee?  And will Dany show Westeros how much of her father she truly is?

Stay tuned.

Game of Thrones airs Sundays at 9pm on HBO.  Photos courtesy of HBO.

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